A Mere Second. A Good Long Stare.

I walked towards where we ought to stand on that bright day. Honestly, I can’t remember how many times I’ve played this in my mind. Me, standing there talking to my friends who happen to surround you; and you, staring or smiling at us–talking even.

You weren’t on my mind when I woke up and donned that bulbous dress. Not a sight of your angelic face in my thoughts when I tried to fix my hair in the cab or when I texted my friends that I was on my way. No, I didn’t think of you at all. Just. Not that morning.

Perhaps the forces of universe have agreed for me to not notice you as I approached the girl standing on your left. Funny how now that I think of it, I would rather have spent awkward moments with you than forced proper decorum with that lady. At least, it’d be one of my happy memories. I think it took about ten more minutes before I finally recognized your silhouette in the crowd. I realized that you, basked in that glorious sunshine, were also there.

That we were both there.

I, of course, feigned ignorance and subconsciously maintained a good few meters away from you. Standing on that pavement swarmed by a few friends, I found solace in the fact that our eyes didn’t meet. But refuge is nothing more than a fleeting haven for the coward. It could only be so much and yet, do so little.

I can’t help wondering if you noticed me walking towards where you were. Did you turn your head the moment you heard my voice? After all, I annoy people with the way talk. Perhaps it’s even too assuming of me to think that I caught your attention that day.

Pathetic as it may be, just a good long stare at your face and I forgot the decision I have made not too long ago. I guess I just want to relish the last few moments with you and take a piece of it with me. There wasn’t really anything for me to be ashamed of. I couldn’t care less about it when I don’t even matter to you…at all.


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